I’m sorry

In the past few months I’ve said bad things about my soon to be ex wife. I was wrong to have said them, we promised to each other to be civil and I went against that. I’m not going to beat a dead horse but I just want to say I’m sorry. I will not speak anymore on this topic.

Writers block and other stuff

I keep meaning to write a lot more often, but its been difficult for me. Mainly because my life since I stopped being homeless has been kinda like on auto pilot. Haven’t really cared much to write anything.

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As I write I’m in Camden at the bus terminal waiting for my bus back home. I hate it here, its like a war zone sometimes in Camden. I’m sitting here with my music blaring in my earphones hoping no one will bother me.

I’ve been asked to guest blog for another site, it seems rather fitting that the topic is bipolar and relationships. I’m still trying to think of a specific topic… Suggestions?

Spontaneous can be fun…

Ever since I got to where I’m living now I’ve been down and lonely. Nothing much to do here and I know no one here. My idea of fun here was to take the bus to Atlantic City and waste $20 in a slot machine, hey the bus runs 24/7 and picks up a block from the hotel I’m staying at usually I’m only there for 30 minutes and go back. I’ve always wanted to go to New York but didn’t because of other people. On the way to AC I decided…. Screw it, I’m going to New York…

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Since you’ve been gone…

Ive been gone for quite awhile and im sorry… My former employer decided to lie to NJ unemployment and tell them I was in the hospital while I was collecting unemployment. It took me almost 8 weeks to clear it all up and while this was going on of course I wasnt getting my benefits. I couldnt pay my rent and was homeless effective April 1st. I bounced from place to place and even spent some time on the streets of Philly during this time and was basically disconnected from the world. Fortunately for me I finally fixed the whole mess and was paid for more of the missed weeks. Dont worry about me anymore, I now have a roof over my head and food in my belly.

While I was going through my manicmedic email today I found this:

Hi Joe,
I am happy to inform you that your blog has made Healthline’s list of the Best Bipolar Blogs of 2015! Healthline’s editors carefully selected each winner based on quality, frequency of updates and contribution to the community. You can see the full list here: http://www.healthline.com/health-slideshow/best-bipolar-blogs

We created a badge to help you publicize your achievement: http://www.healthline.com/health/bipolar-disorder/best-blogs-badge-2015 We encourage you to embed this badge on your site and share your status with your followers.

Thank you again for providing a great resource to the Bipolar community! I’m happy to answer any questions you may have.

Best,
Nicole

I was shocked, I honestly didnt think that many people noticed me…. I am honored to be on this list.. especally among the other recipients. Thank you soo much and i hope you keep reading!!!

Missing My Friend MANIA

Every Friday I’m going to feature a guest blogger or a interesting blog post I come across, this week, an interesting look at mania.

Truth and Grace

Started my new meds.  My Pysch progress report would read, “Mania is gone and by all measures depression seems to have lifted”. This is progress and I should be happy, the medication has shown some success in balancing out my life. But, I miss my mania.   I say MY mania, because I imagine to each person there’s something independentlypersonal about it.

I miss my mania because she came unexpected, crept into my life with her new perspective, different from the old drudge of depression. She brought with herenergy.

I finally had the physical energy to formulate an exercise plan so I could achieve my long time goal of getting back into shape and losing weight. Every day I worked out for at least an hour, sometimes longer as I pumped music and lost track of time, lost myself to this new discipline.

Mania replaced…

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Where was I?

Now that I’m somewhat settled in to my new place let me update you to what happened and why I was gone so long….

On January 13th I had for lacking the proper words a nervous breakdown. After the ongoing ordeal with my soon to be ex wife I have had enough, I wanted to die and take her with me. In a rush i fled the house, not telling her where I was going. The thought of crashing my car into the lake crossed my mind, but there was something in the back of me head telling me to run for help. Needless to say I ended up in an emergency room not really knowing what was going on. The severity of my situation didn’t occur to me until after the first full day on the psych floor.

In the six weeks I spent in two separate hospitals I lost everything, my wife, my girlfriend (we were separated at the time), my job, my home, and my car. I felt that in some part my wife was to blame.

I’m out now since Thursday, I’ve found someplace else to live and getting continued treatment for my bipolar disorder and ICMS caseworker to keep me out of the hospital. I’m talking with a former girlfriend from almost ten years ago. I think my life is starting to look up. I still get major anxiety and thoughts of my past (flashbacks I guess), but I’m trying to work thru it. I did write throughout my hospital stay and will post them here as time allows. I’m gonna get thru this, one moment at a time.

Hey all, I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long, A LOT has happened in my life. I’ve been in a psych hospital for the past six weeks. I’ll post more details as soon as I get settled in.