(Laura found my request for guest bloggers on twitter, I asked her to introduce herself…)
A little introduction about myself: My name is Laura and I live in Oregon. I am a Preschool Teacher by day but by night, I’m a complete emotional mess. Struggle isn’t even a strong enough word for it but it seems that I’m struggling constantly.
My life got turned upside down once I was in Oregon for a few months. Back when I was living in Pennsylvania, the Psychologist that I saw diagnosed me as Major Depressive Disorder and Anorexia. That’s what she thought so that’s what I thought. Although, I always felt as if something else was wrong. I started seeing a therapist in Oregon and during the very first session, she told me I was bipolar. Oh my god! I knew she was completely right. She also said I had PTSD (because, at that time, I was getting memories come to the surface of sexual abuse from my father). This therapist encouraged me to get a doctor who could give me the right medication.
So now, after years of living with the wrong diagnoses, I was ready to get the right help for the new diagnoses. Bipolar (mixed episodes and rapid cycling), complex PTSD, anxiety, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m not sure I always agree with the BPD but I definitely think I have a lot of the symptoms.
Mental illness is a bitch. To me, it feels like this huge weight that I have to bear and will never get any relief. Most of the time, I am super depressed and suicidal but also extremely agitated and irritated. It’s been a couple years since my last suicidal attempt and 5 years since my almost fatal attempt. I guess what I’m trying to say is that things are definitely better than they were years ago. I got the correct diagnoses almost 6 years ago. It’s been a very long and draining fight to live but it is slowly getting there, usually. The correct meds, dr appointments, blood work, $$$$. It’s all too much sometimes so that’s why I decided to write this post and hopefully find a new coping skill that will help.