I never have the luck…

Again I switched back to wordpress.com, my host is giving me too many issues but at least I have my own domain name now…

Things are going the usual I guess, me and my soon to be ex-wife are getting along for the most part. The divorce plans hit a small snag when I was denied for my filing fee waver. I’m going to end up filing again in January when I will have my tax return to prove income.

I know I probably mentioned this before but its such a worthwhile cause for me to mention again and again and again…

“This is My Brave” (http://www.thisismybrave.org) is a show that was originally produced in the Washington DC area last May and the recording in available on youtube.. (see below, I’m actually watching it now). This is My Brave is a show produced to remove the stigma involved in mental illness by showing people telling the audience about “Their Brave” They are raising funds to produce the show in three cities this year, I donated…. you should too… every little bit counts! (To Donate: http://thisismybrave.org/donate/). Jennifer Marshall (http://www.bipolarmomlife.com) and Anne Marie Ames have created a show…. im not sure you can call it just a “show”… that is meant to start a discussion on mental illness…. so let me start the discussion I guess.

Hi, my name is Joe Thomas…. and this is my brave. When I started high school I always thought something was different about me, I was always depressed, moping around, I never wanted to go home. I would spend a lot of time after school doing different activities to avoid going home. I was harassed a lot during school, when I get depressed I would vent through my writing…. my writing usually ends with the end of the main characters life…. These stories would usually get me in the guidence counselors office, I would of course talk my way out of there, over 15 years later I wish I haven’t.

I graduated from high school and entered college, I continued to feel depressed and that is when I experienced my first meeting with a therapist. It was during a depression screening event at the college when I was noticed as being “depressed”, yea I felt down a lot but I would also feel happy at times too, sometimes a little too happy.

Between the depression and the highs, I ended up flunking out of college. It was during this time where I found what I thought was going to be a career, Emergency Medical Services. I somehow made it through my class, even though I failed the state certification exam twice I eventually passed the test. Then things got real, I would see the things that people should never see. I seen people die, both of natural causes and of traumatic injuries. I started getting anxious when going to “work” (I was a volunteer at the time). Shortly after this I had a falling out with my sister and moved away from home for the first time. I had lived with friends from place to place over the next year til I came to the decision that I wanted to move closer to work (I was living 45 minutes from work at the time) and ventured out on my own to rent a room near the Jersey shore.

This is when something snapped…. I experienced my first suicidal episode… I hated where my life was ended and I wanted to end it all. I had a very good friend near the shore who met me at the local hospital where I was admitted to the psych unit for the first time.

Seven trips to the hospital later, a marriage, a divorce, this is where I am today. Where am I going? I really don’t know, all I know is that I’m going to do my best to make myself the best person possible. I am going to try not to let the label “Bipolar” get the best of me.

So yea… thats me…


2 thoughts on “I never have the luck…

  1. Wow, you’ve been through so much. I’m sorry about everything going on in life right now, but I’m glad you have this. I’ve noticed a change in myself when I started this blog and it was a good change. I feel safe when I’m writing. I wish I’d done this sooner. I’m glad you are always bettering yourself and thinking positive. Sending love from WV!

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