New Site

Im in the process (as we speak) of moving my blog to its own domain, please check it out at Im hoping to make it a very good and popular site. On Tuesday, this address will hopefully redirect to the new site so I wont be posting here anymore… please update your links!


My Future?

I was floating through facebook overnight last night and found this link.. I’ll let you read it for yourself


Its about a Australian paramedic who left her job after 14 years to pursue another field, that brought me to thinking about recent events and my future in emergency services….

In August of 2002 I joined the closest volunteer EMS squad out of a fluke, I was bored and wanted something to do with my time while I was going to college. A then friend of mine tried convincing me to do it to meet women, but that wasn’t my intention.. I was bored with my life. What I didn’t expect was what would happen the next 12 years.

Recently I found myself out of a job, stressed, depressed (again) and letting the bipolar take control. After a recent suicide attempt I decided that I needed to change something big in my life…. I was taking a lot of big steps, going out on my own, separating with my wife and I decided that emergency services and medical transport was no longer the career for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved being an EMT, but after the years of working through my mood swings, even when I was medicated I found working on the truck difficult. My anxiety grew bigger and bigger with each call or transport I would take, now that I will have the opportunity to get training for a new career that its the time to close one big chapter of my life and open another one.

I will miss a lot of things from my EMS career, both as paid and volunteer. The “brotherhood” of EMS/Fire/Police, I met A LOT of AWESOME people and will remain friends with each one as long as they would have me, the excitement of each call, the feel that I got when I had the opportunity to make a difference in someones’ lives. I’ve seen my share of deaths and I’ve also seen my share of saves. Each call will leave some sort of memory for me.

But the biggest thing that I will miss came from my time as a volunteer, I cherished the opportunity to teach EMT students and hopefully helped make them the EMT’s they are today.

As I close this chapter of my life I am VERY excited and a little nervous about the next step, but I wont know where it will lead until I put one foot forward.

I love you all and be safe out there!


I’m sorry

In the past few months I’ve said bad things about my soon to be ex wife. I was wrong to have said them, we promised to each other to be civil and I went against that. I’m not going to beat a dead horse but I just want to say I’m sorry. I will not speak anymore on this topic.


Join me and Lana Hobbs (@lanahobbs) for our first #mhforum twitter chat. Hopefully we’ll be doing this every week on Twitter at 7pm central/8pm eastern. The goal is to alternate each week between a topical discussion and a peer support chat. I hope you join us!

Writers block and other stuff

I keep meaning to write a lot more often, but its been difficult for me. Mainly because my life since I stopped being homeless has been kinda like on auto pilot. Haven’t really cared much to write anything.


As I write I’m in Camden at the bus terminal waiting for my bus back home. I hate it here, its like a war zone sometimes in Camden. I’m sitting here with my music blaring in my earphones hoping no one will bother me.

I’ve been asked to guest blog for another site, it seems rather fitting that the topic is bipolar and relationships. I’m still trying to think of a specific topic… Suggestions?

Spontaneous can be fun…

Ever since I got to where I’m living now I’ve been down and lonely. Nothing much to do here and I know no one here. My idea of fun here was to take the bus to Atlantic City and waste $20 in a slot machine, hey the bus runs 24/7 and picks up a block from the hotel I’m staying at usually I’m only there for 30 minutes and go back. I’ve always wanted to go to New York but didn’t because of other people. On the way to AC I decided…. Screw it, I’m going to New York…


Since you’ve been gone…

Ive been gone for quite awhile and im sorry… My former employer decided to lie to NJ unemployment and tell them I was in the hospital while I was collecting unemployment. It took me almost 8 weeks to clear it all up and while this was going on of course I wasnt getting my benefits. I couldnt pay my rent and was homeless effective April 1st. I bounced from place to place and even spent some time on the streets of Philly during this time and was basically disconnected from the world. Fortunately for me I finally fixed the whole mess and was paid for more of the missed weeks. Dont worry about me anymore, I now have a roof over my head and food in my belly.

While I was going through my manicmedic email today I found this:

Hi Joe,
I am happy to inform you that your blog has made Healthline’s list of the Best Bipolar Blogs of 2015! Healthline’s editors carefully selected each winner based on quality, frequency of updates and contribution to the community. You can see the full list here:

We created a badge to help you publicize your achievement: We encourage you to embed this badge on your site and share your status with your followers.

Thank you again for providing a great resource to the Bipolar community! I’m happy to answer any questions you may have.


I was shocked, I honestly didnt think that many people noticed me…. I am honored to be on this list.. especally among the other recipients. Thank you soo much and i hope you keep reading!!!

Day 2: January 15, 2015

(This is part of a series of writings I made while in the hospital recently, originally written January 15. Read the introduction post in this category for more background information.)

I feel a bit better today, what a thing sleep can do. I feel a bit more clear headed, yesterday I actually wasn’t sure why I was even here. I am still very scared though, no one wants me to go back to like with J and A, but I don’t know where I’m going to go from herr. I overheard some social worker talk to someone about placing them in Camden, I really don’t want to end up in Camden. Maybe I’m just seeing too much into this.

What should my goal be for today? I’ve slept a lot yesterday so I’m trying to sleep less today.